Tag Archives: relationships

“What is” is the way to easy creating

April 2, 2012 The Extropist Leave a comment

When we end with someone in our lives we often worry about what they are doing? Why are they doing these things? What does it mean to us? It gives us an excuse to talk about it and think about them, but does that really serve us to think on all these things? Why do we need the stories that we make up in order to fill the spaces in our lives we don’t know anything about? And most importantly are these stories real and do they really matter?

What matters is that you move your focus away from your partner and all the ‘What if’s’ and simply focus on the ‘What is’. What is happening in your life now? What is right in front of you? What is it that you are working on now? What is inspiring you in life now? The ‘what if’s’ don’t matter.

‘What if vs what is’ is applicable to all things that matter in our lives. It doesn’t just have to be your partner: It can be a job loss. It can be any pending decision for your career, for you health for a competition. It is anything that you are or have worked at to create, any project, any relationship, any dream. Keep your focus on the ‘what is’ because all the stories of what if’s often don’t serve us. It reminds me of the old Cherokee wisdom story of the two wolves that rage within us. When asked upon which wolf wins, the good or the bad, we learn it is the one that we feed. What we give our energy too we feed.

All those thoughts you have about the ‘what if’s’… they don’t exist except in your mind and imagination. People think every thought is real, well they aren’t! They are seeds of change. They are moments of creation that you can latch onto or choose to focus on something else that better serves what you really want. What you really want to create.

It is the emotion and action that we give those thoughts, which materializes one thought over another. If I am sitting here hungry but I want to finish this piece of writing. I will think to myself, “I want to go get food” but I also think “I want to finish this piece while I am in the flow”. Both thoughts are there but which do I choose to give my energy to, I choose the one that best serves me. Which thought do I feed to give energy to? In this situation, it is finishing the piece. So that’s what I choose for my reality by giving emotion and excitement for the finished piece of writing that lies before me. And in doing so, now I will not need to think on food until after I have finished this piece because my emotion and action has allowed me to give solely to this piece of writing.

So acknowledge that you are having a thought but is it a ‘what if’ or a ‘what is’? Your power of creation lies in the ‘what is’. Your actions are more clear and directed when you focus on the ‘what is’. You are more motivated to create the ‘what is’. You are less overwhelmed by the singular ‘what is’ than the multitude of ‘what if’s’. Get present and focus on your ‘what is’ and your journey will be a lot smoother and you will create a lot easier and a lot faster.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1Mb9tsnYLU]

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Love: The mirror that gives as good as it gets!

February 21, 2012 The Extropist Leave a comment

When we end with a partner we typically feel an energetic hole. Life has lost its luster and everything feels a little heavier, a little harder. We feel like there is love missing from our lives. Love is an amazing motivator and without it our inspiration can drop dramatically. We feel this loss because of our minds, not because of our hearts. Reality is very malleable, created from the world of our thoughts.

Often throughout our relationships we identify with our partner as being Love rather than realizing that Love only exists within us and that we only share our love with them. We mistakenly believe that they are our Love, rather than they are what reflects our love. We see love in our partner by the things that we do for them. By the actions that we take, by the things that we share, by the things that we say. We feel love because of the smile that we see on our partner’s faces as we show our true selves, as we become completely vulnerable and honest and real. Love is a mirror. That is why it is always said you cannot love someone until you love yourself, because you will never like the reflection you see – no matter what you do.

Love cannot be taken away from you by anyone. Love is inside you. Love is created by you. You are Love’s progenitor. You are a Love Generator. There is no one in the world, no scientist, no Super villain that has worked out how to reach inside a person and remove love from that person. If we feel a lack of love it is because we have chosen to feel a lack of love. By realizing and recentering your love in you, you create a freedom in which no other person is responsible for your love but you. So often we hand off our love to others and say: “Here! Watch this and don’t drop it!” We put all the responsibility on them to generate and nurture our love. Well that’s just not going to work! Take responsibility for your love and you will find a lot less problems in the way that you experience your relationships and you will find an even greater truth to love. You get what you give!

If you want to really experience love then it comes from what you give. Sir Isaac Newton spoke of it when he was describing the laws of all forces in the universe. Every action has an opposite and equal reaction and Love is the most fundamental force. Love by its nature is a binding force that results in a whole greater than the sum of its parts. We see its attractive force work all throughout nature under the guise of different names and equations, but it’s always pointing to the same force. Cells, people, societies, galaxies etc. – it is always the same. Love is the unifying force that creates, and we have to give to it in order to get back. It’s the only way you deserve to receive.

So ensure that you give love and you will get it back in return. Take responsibility for your love. Take responsibility for what you give and you will be treated with the same respect and love that you give. It is a law of reciprocity. Remember this! So give and you will get. The people in your life are there to help share and build the connection of love with you so that your experience of it can be the best it can be. Isn’t that worth being thankful for every single one of them?!

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The Ego trips

December 9, 2011 The Extropist 1 Comment

How interesting the reaction one person can make upon their feelings being hurt. They lash out in some futile manner trying not to heal but instead to harm. They want to take what was taken from them. What is it about an eye for an eye that is so consuming? The ego or personality is a place of immense power and control in our lives. It is thought to exist as personality and contains all the programs necessary to exist in the world. The same way that the muscles around our spine have learnt to compensate for injury in order to keep us standing tall so too does our ego implement behavioral programs in order to protect us. Often though we protect ourselves at the detriment of ourselves because are we really trying to protect ourselves or our ego. Because if our ego fails our world feels like it will all come tumbling down.

Our ego deliciously forms early in life. Some say from before the time of birth, but I like think to about it from the perspective of the rule of 7. The rule of 7 states that approximately every 7 years we move into a new stage of being. The first (0-7) is about learning the social norms and about how we exist in the world. The second (7-14) is our learning of control in the world. This means we understand ourselves relative to another and the power we exert of others. We start to learn about relationships with things and people. The next seven (14-21) further identifies our purpose and inclinations in this world for who we want to be. We can can begin to look at the development of the ego in each of these stages. Our parents and guardians in the first 7 years help guide how we handle mistakes and understand who we are. The ways that we need to act in this world. As we progress we learn from our now friends and family how we are to relate to people and what we get from them. By gaining these wisdoms we define who we are. We ultimately learn to understand ourselves through the actions that we have attained to operate in the world. And when these lines of controlling the world are violated we lash out in order to invalidate the people who are highlighting the way that we know how to live is faulty.

This is the reason why people who subscribe to religion are so vehemently opposed to criticism, because religion explains the meaning of life. The way to operate in life. It explains the finer purpose and gives a definable construct about life and existence in a way that enables a person to feel like they have control. Science does exactly the same thing. It gives us a verifiable way in which to understand life so that we may feel that there are rules that we can follow to survive. That there are lines and objects that we can give definitions to so that we can know what things are and feel safe about them. When we lose that control we lash out. When we feel unsafe we feel alone and vulnerable. That we don’t have a connection to anything or anyone. We want to take the power back in order to provide that stability again to our understanding of life. It is the behavioral programs that provide the feeling of stability and control. But ultimately when we implement the programs we are left feeling more hurt. More empty. a greater level of dissatisfaction. We have maintained the status quo. Our ego is still intact, but at what cost? How do we handle our life in a win-win manner? So what to do?

Well there might be a way. What if the norm wasn’t “an eye for an eye” but instead “human to err, divine to forgive”. We must surely heal and move through the hurt so much smoother if we were to easily be able to forgive. But our ego steps in and asks for it to be recognized. Acknowledge me. See me. Hear me. Tell me that I matter. Tell me that I am real. Well there is another place that we can hear all that and it doesn’t rely on any connection to a person or group it relies on your connection to you and you’re giving to something bigger than yourself. You exist whether someone sees you or not. Whether someone shows you affection or not. It is from that space of connecting to something bigger that we can hold conviction. That we can hold integrity. It relies on trust and faith. In ourselves. In our dreams. I trust in the future and I hope you do too? Thank you.

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Calculating the Love Connection

December 6, 2011 The Extropist Leave a comment

Isn’t it wonderful that there is someone in life to think sweet thoughts about, whether or not you are in a relationship with them. I was at my best-friend’s wedding, and in his speech I gained an amazing insight into what the feeling of love really is. He helped me understand that this person you are focussed on is a person that inspires you to want to be the best person that you see yourself becoming. It is that feeling of inspiration, of wanting to be the best that you can be for this person and the world that we call “In-Love”. But it is equally important for you to realize that it is not the person themselves, it is the connection between the two of you. You are the person that feels the love “IN” you. Love is not given to you, it is conjured within, and is up to you to accept and acknowledge that experience of it within. You recognize love from your connection with another person. This is because whatever you put out you always get back.

The Love Equation
Newton’s third law of motion and force states “Every action always has an opposite and equal reaction”. Love is an e-motion or a force that motivates us. This means that the only way you can experience love is by giving love. It is reflected back to you. Therefore the more love you give, the more it will reflect back.

The Love Mirror
The amount reflected back to you depends on the reflective surface onto which you are shining. The person that you are sending your love to needs to be able to accept the love within themselves in order to be able to reflect it back. You will only be able to receive the amount of love reflected back to you as the person is able to absorb. It is the same as saying “you can only love another as much as you love yourself”. For example, let us say that you are providing a stadium light worth of love but the person only has a mirror the size of you palm. You wont actually receive that much back. Furthermore their mirror might actually be directed at someone else so that even more will be lost. Therefore it is important to make sure you are always giving to yourself as much as you are giving to your partner.

Give without Expectation
Here is one trick to ensuring you will get love back though. Give without expectation. If you give love without expectation of receiving back, you will always walk away with a smile in your heart because you have not limited yourself to the single connection but given for the sake of the whole universe, of something much bigger than the both of you. When you give for something bigger than yourself you will always and truly receive that which is equal to that which you have given” You can use this love equation for anything, for a connection with a person, for a connection with a thing, for a connection with an action, for a connection with a thought, for a connection with anything and everything. Lets say you love playing guitar. By giving to the action of playing you are getting a much richer love for yourself and the music than if you merely listened to it on the radio. You will find new understandings about where the music can go and where it can take you. This is all because of the millions of different variables that exist between the player and the music: The tone, the pitch, the timbre, the rhythm, your emotion, your content. So many different ways that these variables can come together that you will be able to create such a rich and fulfilling experience. Now think about this connection and all the variables that exist between two people and you can times the richness of connection by infinity. Which is why I might add it is so difficult to define “Love”, because there are literally infinite ways for it to be experienced and it is the same for wisdom.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3gMgK7h-BA&w=420&h=315]

The Love Connection
When we think of romantic love between partners, we can see how the love connection is developed from your experiences and interactions, your support and intimacy, your absorption and your teachings, from anything and everything that bounces between you two between each of you individually and the outside world and between both of you together and the outside world around you. All these things add up and build the love connection. I like to think of it like an internet connection. The more experiences you share, the more intimately you get to learn about yourself, your partner, what they want and what you want. And as we know more information you have access to, the more bandwidth you have built into that connection. The greater the connection the richer the experience and the more mature the love that you will feel.

Equating your Love Connection
Upon deciding on our partner, we take into considerations the things that have worked for us in the past that we have built and we ask for those things to be equally present. We also acknowledge those things that haven’t worked for us and it is when we have shone the light on these things that we can then better help understand what we need to build a connection this next time to better serve us in creating a richer love connection. Sometimes we aren’t always aware of what does and doesn’t serve us and other times we believe we want things built from a reactive state. The only place you create your life from is your present not your past. Therefore build your love connection from this moment. (For more on this see Shifting paths – Shifting lives). When you have found this someone that your unconscious has calculated as matching the requirements that you need to satisfy the building of the love connection you are looking for, you will begin to feel stirrings of wanting to connect with this person. This feeling is so exhilarating and profound that we naturally feel it is the person that is causing such feelings. Please remember, that they are merely the conduit, the mediator the mirror. Treat it kindly and shine the light of love on it and you will feel the experience of love. Build the connection by learning about each other and you will have ever-richer experiences of love.

The Love Connector
The best way to create and connect to an experience of finding the person that can satisfy the personality variables you are looking for is through a love poem. Write a love poem about the perfect partner. Imagine this perfect partner is on their way over to your house and you want to give it to them as a sign of love and gratitude. Do not have any one person in mind but simply write about how grateful you are for them. Write about the way they make you feel. Write about what things you adore about them. Write about the things you do, say and share with each other. Write about how you communicate and how you support each other. Write it so that you feel it as the Truth within you. When you have finished writing you will be one step closer to your partner. Whether it is a person you have your heart set on or another unknown in the Universe that you know you will attract, because you will be clear in what you want. Your subconscious will have revealed to you what is meaningful and what makes up your current love connection. When you are clear on what you want, you won’t fall into pitfalls of connecting with people that don’t make up the values you are looking for and so you will save yourself time and heartache. When you finally connect with your partner it doesn’t hurt to rewrite the poem of what new love connections you are building at the moment so that you are clear within yourself as to how you want it to grow. The fun part here is that you actually get to give it to the person that you love!

So remember your love exists within you. You build a love connection between you but the love always exists within. The trick is to build a big enough connection that the sharing is quick, easy and inspiring. Give and be open to receive. This goes for anything you do. Walk into any situation by giving without expectation to receive and you will always walk out with a mile on your face. Live from a force of love and you can create anything. Just write exactly what you want and why as if it’s on its way to your door and you will open up to your dream life.

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How to Make a Mistake

December 1, 2011 The Extropist Leave a comment

Often we feel overwhelmed by a situation. We have done everything right but still our plans go awry. We look around us and blame it on the world. This person screwed me; the conditions were not right; etc. And saying this is fine. Sometimes it might be smarter to drop something and forget about it. But sometimes it may be worth stopping for a moment and looking at the situation, and asking yourself whether you can take responsibility for what happened?

Taking responsibility reveals the lesson

It is only when we take responsibility for something do we provide ourselves the opportunity to change the outcome. If you refuse to look at the outcome and say it was someone else’s fault you will never be able to properly see what went wrong and understand how to solve the problem and learn the lesson. It has been said that “What we resist persists, and what we look at goes away”. So maybe you can see that as you open yourself to something rather resisting it, the problem might fall away when you realize that maybe it wasn’t a problem. Maybe what happened was exactly what needed to occur in order for you to move forward and grow into the person that you dreamed of becoming. We live in a society where we have been taught that to make a mistake is “bad”. We spend our whole lives trying to be right but here is something we all need to learn, being right all the time is actually “bad” and learning how to make a mistake in a constructive way is actually so right you wouldn’t believe.

Mistakes you want to make

It has been shown that taking yourself to the limit where you make mistakes is the greatest way to learn, if you deal with the lesson appropriately. Instead of reacting, slow down. Don’t take the mistake as a failure, as a personal attack on your sense of self-worth, but realize that this is one step closer to reaching your goal. This mistake is not an error but instead an opportunity to learn. The more our minds and bodies create impulses that experience and overcome difficulties, the better we will be able to handle these problems in the future. The better we handle problems, the faster we can deal with them to the point where they are no longer problems but a momentary challenge, just like the way a baby learnt to walk. At first even crawling was a serious problem but eventually the baby learnt how to crawl, and then how to steps. Walking suddenly became only a challenge and ultimately it was so automatic that not only did the baby not have to even think about walking, but as the child grew up it could do things like running and surfing as easily as breathing. Without these mistakes the baby would have never made it past the first step.

Outside of now

So ask yourself could this problem be a part of your lesson in order to reach your goals. Try looking at the situation from a higher perspective, one that is outside of only the present moment. Instead think about what this experience means to you in a year’s time or five years time. Now look back and look at how relevant this problem in the scheme of your life that has been. By looking at the problem at hand as a lesson to learn rather than a mistake, you create your space as the actor not the reactor of your life.

Acting or reacting

When you react, you are reacting from an emotional space. There is a difference between feelings and emotions. You actively generate your feelings. Feelings guide your actions powerfully and are the best space to make decisions from as they come from a place of control and clarity. Feelings can take form when you practice gratitude. Give thanks for what you have and where you are in your life and give thanks for your dream and what you are trying to create. Even try and appreciate yourself. Name five things you are thankful for about yourself. (Learn more about gratitude in “Gratitude gets you Zen Continue reading How to Make a Mistake →

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Shifting paths – Shifting lives

July 1, 2011 The Extropist Leave a comment

With any relationship, we walk beside that person on our own path. Often these paths will ride along each other adjacently, but over time these paths will eventually change and diverge as the people creating these paths change. We see them over yonder in the distance but it can be so tiresome yelling the whole time so that they can hear and often so much gets lost in translation by something as simple as the wind catching our words and carrying them away. We can often be resistant to change as the familiarity is so easy and safe. We become used to this concept of who we are in relation to that person and wrap ourselves in that fabric of “this person’s partner” or “that person’s friend” so that we can then present ourselves to the world in such a way that we feel good about.

It is important to note though that as the paths get off track we have a choice: we can either acknowledge that the path has changed and we will feel to work to build new paths that will bring us back together or we can acknowledge that we don’t feel to put the added energy into building the path to be walking side by side again. The point is that either way is fine and that as long as we can see the person for the amazing person that they are on their path, and that it doesn’t necessarily reflect the direction of your path, you will not hinder yourself from creating a pathway to a life filled with friends that may be going the same direction as you now. By resisting that person you will find that you wont move forward to creating a life of new friends as you are spending your time focusing on that relationship that didn’t work. It is in this that you will then naturally create a cycle, a pattern of relationships, which you have unconsciously created in your life so that you can finally be fine to let them go or resolve. The point is that you can only create anew from the present not the past. The past begets the past the past, the present begets the future. We don’t need to regret the past but embrace it for it both helped us be the people that we are today and at the same time it know longer exists. So why not cherish the experiences that you shared for all that they gave you and you grew through.

I have included this video of Christian the Lion as i feel that while the characters of this amazing story had to go there different paths they truly retained their love for each other from all that they gained from each other.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btuxO-C2IzE&feature=related]

The final point I would like to make is that we assume that our friendships are old because we have known someone for a long time. We assume that we know that person. But every time we come back to that person we are creating a friendship completely anew because we are completely different people. When we try to maintain a relationship on the falsities of the past rather than the reality of the present we will ultimately lose our way with these partners because we take them for granted and miss out on seeing who they are now as they can do with us. So look into your friends eyes and see who they really are today and acknowledge and appreciate them for that. You will see who that person is today and if you look deep enough you will see from this present moment, who they will be tomorrow.

Hope this helps 🙂

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Be a Circle and Be Yourself

February 27, 2011 The Extropist Leave a comment

What is it about the modern-day metropolis and its subsequent elements that have left the average person so disenchanted with their life. One element that is noteworthy in creating disharmony in our lives is the concept of how integrated we are as people. The modern person exhibits a form of schizophrenia in which they have split their lives into different people for different situations. We have one personality for our work, another personality for our friends, for our partners, for our family, for our leisure time and ultimately we are left in the dark from ourselves, not knowing who we really are.

Not only do we not properly know ourselves but we end up fighting with ourselves about which of these people is going to get the most of our time. The currency for our personality is time and we shell it out often so haphazardly that we don’t really end up investing properly in any of ourselves. Imagine yourself as if you are a point in the center of a page sending out lines of energy to each of the different personalities you are fostering. Each time you give to one personality however it means you are taking energy away from another person. We end up wrestling with ourselves trying to give out to all these elements and ultimately we don’t really give anything authentically or optimally.

“Living optimally” is an interesting idea. What does it mean to live optimally and what does optimally mean to our lives? To live optimally means that we are giving the most to our lives that we can in the shortest and easiest way that we know. We are using all of our resources effectively and efficiently without the waste. In entering the green age of sustainable resource management, we understand that we need to think how to ever increase the sustainability of what we do by increasing the longevity we get out of anything we use and do. We too need to think about how we can use our mental resources as effectively as we can. Many people don’t realize but we actually have a type of mental fuel which we can use up the same as a tank of fuel in our car. In a car we can waste a tank of fuel by riding around not really planning our route to the shop or we can work out the best way to get to our destination and then take the most direct route there. This is the same for our minds. We need to work out the best way of performing our task in order to use our mental fuel most effectively.

One way of living optimally and using our resources effectively is integrating our personalities. We can organize our lives so that we aren’t fighting for resources but instead we can have it so that all our activities are giving to the things which make us most happy. Instead of compartmentalizing your life into many small things, simplify your list of who you are to the things that you most care about in ways that allows you to be able to give more to your life. Which things bring you the most joy?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP4abiHdQpc]

Try this as a practice:
1) Write out all the ways that you are creating yourself, all the things you are giving your time to.
2) Cut out all the things you don’t like doing. You may actually find that there are things you aren’t even doing that you now have room for doing by removing things that no longer serve you.
3) Look at the list and see if there are things that you can fit together like friends and work. Here you could create a work environment in which your dealings with your colleagues leave you as satisfied as if you had been hanging out with good friends. In the video, the man is ripping up bills and a rejection letter at the same time as bonding with his child.
4) Finally pick your top 3-4 things on the list. You can know these by thinking which ones would you want to be doing for the rest of your life. It doesn’t mean that you will have to but it is just an idea to help you get moving.

Now that you have simplified your list, give authentically to these for the next month. If a month is overwhelming try 2 weeks and if that seems like too much, start with a week. Only work within the limits that you feel comfortable working within. Change is hard enough and you want to make it as comfortable as possible. By setting a goal that you think is possible to reach, you create a momentum of change that makes it possible. To give an example, when I have exam I would set a goal to clean the kitchen first before exam study. Something I know I could do. This then gave me the momentum of being productive and gave me the satisfaction of completing a task which gave me the momentum to complete another task, like study. You use way less fuel moving a rolling car than you do moving one from standstill.

Create your life as a community of your personalities. Make sure that all your personalities are giving to you and not taking away from yourself. By doing the things that make you happy, everything you do is giving back to you. Every personality is contributing to the whole. It is as a happy whole that you will be most effective in your actions and you will have more energy than you ever knew. Because every act gives back to you, you will only be getting more energy rather than sending out into the world like a space heater you will create a fully integrated system that will feed back into the system and create optimal living. We are a circle, not a dot. All the personalities should be giving back to the center rather than the center having to give out to every point of the circle. This is an inefficient way of living and ultimately unsustainable which leaves us burnt out. Burn out leaves us without enough resources physiologically thus breeding disease, and emotionally leading to personality and relationship distress. Ultimately we can become a full, unified and harmonious person in which all points of ourselves are connected and each giving to the other. You will truly be a unified person. You will truly be YOU.

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Gratitude gets you Zen

May 19, 2010 The Extropist Leave a comment

When I was taking some time from my past relationship, I noticed I would feel bad when I tried to not think about her. I felt that this was not an effective method to help me deal with the changing shape of our relationship, for as we know what you resist persists. So I sat there and tried something different. I sent her gratitude for the amazing person that she is, for all the good times that we had and the lessons that she taught me. I immediately felt better and I wasn’t sure why until this moment and this is the lesson that I learnt about part of what gratitude’s power is.

Gratitude keeps us in the present.

Being present is the most important thing. The power in the Now. In the present moment, the problems and patterns of the past have no avenue to creep in, and they have no way of imposing themselves on the future. When we are in gratitude it is impossible to be in any other moment but the present. Gratitude is an active state of being. It must be consciously acknowledged for it to be gratitude. If we don’t do it consciously it is being “taken for granted”.

We can feel joy unconsciously, like when we are eating something and it makes us feel good. However we can go through the meal without truly appreciating it, without truly being conscious and aware of the meal. That is why we suddenly finish and think, I can’t even remember eating that meal. That poor meal was taken for granted. Once we acknowledge something and give it thanks, we are living in the present moment of now, and then we are truly living.

Gratitude is the most powerful mediation.

Gratitude is the quickest and easiest way to reach a truly meditative state. The true meditative state is when you can be completely present in the moment. The best way to be present is through appreciation, because you are not limiting anything. You are being completely accepting. Through this unadulterated acceptance, it opens you up to an even greater experience and expression of life. Gratitude is the in-breath of love. When we breathe in, during meditation, and give thanks as well, we are doubling the focus and meditative power of being present. It is for this reason that we can immediately find ourselves in a place of harmony. Harmony occurs not only in our bodies but also with the world around us. The Institute of HeartMath, a research group in California, has conducted studies on the power of using gratitude with breathing meditation. Their results have been astounding. Through the use of gratitude, it has been shown that many of our biological systems have harmonized finding a physiological resonance that creates a form of visceral symphony. Our heart, lungs, hormones and even our brain all our working to the driving beat of the gratitude playing in our hearts.

Gratitude transforms fear

Unconscious joy is an opportunity lost but not as much as when we are in fear, which is true unconsciousness. Fear results in a true lack of appreciation and a true lack of consciousness. In fear we have no way of being present, instead we are truly locked in the patterns of the past and future and not “being in the present”. Our fear is similar to a fog that we are lost in. When you think of an experience that you are saying no to, that you are resisting, that you say is wrong, you feel it in your body and get lost in a spiral of thoughts.

Thinking those fear thought spirals, perpetuate cycles and reoccurring themes in your life. This is because you fall into the patterns of the past that you experienced when you were younger and your mind takes you down that road trying to protect you. It is inbuilt to humans to have this inclination towards the negative. It evolved for our protection and is referred to as the ‘negativity bias’. The negativity bias means that it is easier to think about the bad things and process them more quickly than the good things. This is so that if the bad things happen we will know what to do quicker to protect ourselves. That is all good and proper when we were cave men but the problem is that now we live in a World where dinosaurs and monsters don’t exist. But our bodies still think they exist so it is constantly trying and create them.

I’ll use horror films to explain this. Isn’t it interesting how in horror films the monster is so much scarier when we don’t see it, but finally when we the monster is revealed, we think, “Is that all?! That’s so fake!” It’s because our minds are programmed naturally to think the worst of the scene and the more we resist it and say “No” to the monster the scarier it gets. But the second we look at it, it immediately loses most of its scariness. The reality of the monster has taken form and thus collapses the infinite possibilities of scariness into only one possibility. It is because of this reason that we also recreate the patterns of our past, because “better the devil we know”. We know how story is going to end when we continually replay the same story and we know that while the monster is scary because we know what form it takes we are more inclined to deal with that monster than the other millions of monsters that can exist out in the world. But if we take a plunge and step into the darkness and unknown we may find that we slay the dragon and find an ending that better suits us. So a powerful way of navigating through the unfamiliar territory of this new story is send the scary scene “Thanks”. Find all that you can be grateful for in the scene. Be grateful for all the amazing outcomes that can and will happen as you work through the darkness and you will give yourself a light to guide your way to a scene of something that you can love. You can even invite your fears to come along with you and work at your goals together. By doing this you know longer are denying the existence of your fears, which is the best way to let them go because what we resist persists and what we look at goes away.

Use your attitude of gratitude and you will find your way through any dark spot.

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