Tag Archives: change

Transform your cycle of chaos and become an Extropist

March 19, 2012 The Extropist Leave a comment

Often we are caught in a rut and face a trial in our lives that tests our true character. As the weight of this hardship continues to bear down on us, we are left feeling despondent and down. We don’t know where to turn and we feel we are being closed in on from all around. Some people may say, “Don’t worry. Be happy”, but this misses a grave point. You should never deny an emotion. Every emotion needs to be expressed in some form. Instead, acknowledge it and see if you can transform your thinking around whatever this problem may be. Transformation can come in many different forms: through writing, painting, and movement. It doesn’t have to be artistic but in other endeavors such as sports and giving back like volunteering.

There are many different ways to transform your chaotic situations in life (See “How to Make a Mistake“) but I am here though to talk to you about one particular way different from all the ways I have mentioned. By using this technique, you create opportunities to see change and by giving yourself enough space from the weight of the situation to open yourself up to new possibilities. I am referring to the transformative power of gratitude. Gratitude is an amazing way to transform any problem because it allows us to find the hidden gems that lay dormant in something, even when we were just taking that thing for granted. Taking it for granted as something unimportant or something that was a thorn in our side. There are always moments of true beauty that exist in all of the minutia. In death, in life and in everything in between, there is always a space for us to find the gems that lie within and open us up to the transformative power that will begin to move us away from the chaotic spiral down.

When we truly give our thankful attention and energy to something, we open ourselves up to the greatest potential that exists in it. We also open ourselves to the greatest growth and the fastest path of growth or as it is known the path of least resistance. That is not saying there is no resistance, simply the least amount that we will feel. Everyone has growing pains, in all aspects of our lives: physical, emotional and mental. It is up to us to change the cycle of our lives. We get caught in the spinning downward momentum of the entropic spiral into chaos and disorder. The only way to make a change in direction is to inject enough energy into the cycle in order to, not only slow down our ultimate destination untoward chaos but also to, actually reverse the cycle’s direction all together toward an extropic upward direction.

Extropy is the opposite of entropy (downward spiral to chaos and disorder) and instead involves us moving toward greater harmonious and more organized complexity in which we have greater functionality in order, to not only handle the trials in our lives but, to flourish. We can find this magical energy through gratitude. Gratitude is the energy we inject into the system that reverses us away from chaos. It shines a light on what normally appears destructive and gives us hope and energy to work though that, which normally has left us feeling empty and alone. Gratitude fills us up with the needed motivation to move through the tough times and keeps our wits about us in order to remain conscious enough to learn the lessons and evolve. Gratitude is the energetic tool for mankind to make an evolutionary leap in consciousness. So when you are facing a trial and your faith and focus is waning, and you are feeling overwhelmed by fear, look for what you can to be grateful for. Even when you are caught within what some may consider the muck and the mire you can lift yourself high above the place you are in to be the best person you can be and move powerfully towards finding your joy.

ELEVATE

Seek happiness and success will find you – 21 days to retrain your brain

February 14, 2012 The Extropist Leave a comment

We are constantly seeing, hearing and reading about people having break downs, how our friends are feeling sad, celebrity couples ending their relationships and the world generally dissatisfied with their lives. Even Heidi Klum and Seal broke up. Seal ended it with a woman who has been consistently thought of as the most beautiful women in the world. How can someone not be happy with the most beautiful woman in the world you may ask?
We know what happiness feels like, because we have all had it but then it just seems to slip away and we are left dealing instead with stresses and pressures rather than basking in the glow of the glory of our happiness. So what is it that constantly leads us to our state of disillusionment with the world? The answer is… The view!

We keep on looking outside ourselves for happiness. Jobs, partners, possessions. However our external world only has about 10% to do with our happiness. Where we need to be looking is at the 90%. This is where the real view is: our inner world. We spend all our time trying to fix up what we see in that outside 10% and leaving the large majority of how we see the world from the inside as unkempt and in disarray. How do we beautify and create an amazing internal landscape? How do you change your thinking?

Oddly enough your happiness and success doesn’t really have anything to do with your head, it has to do with your heart. Back in medieval times the heart was considered the center of consciousness and there may be good reason to start giving some thought to that again. 75% of personal success and happiness has been shown to be accounted for by three things: 1) Optimism, 2) Social Support and 3) Your ability to see stress as a challenge instead of a threat. These three things are what you need to be looking at rather than your bank account and the car you have or the job title or partner that you are showing off currently. This is where our focus is backwards.

Every time we reach a success, we are aware of an even better goal that we want to reach. Got a job, want a better job. Got a car, want a better car. Got a trophy, want a bigger one. The end points are constantly shifting, like trying to catch a rainbow. Happiness seems to be sitting on the other side of that rainbow but this is really a hamster wheel that leaves you eternally chasing. The real truth about happiness is the exact opposite to what we think it is. We have to reach happiness first in order to find success. And lucky for us psychologists and scientists have found some simple exercises that utilize those three elements of optimism, social support and reframing stressors in order to retrain our brains to be able to look at the world and change the view to leave us happy and in control of our lives.

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. Albert Schweitzer (1875 –1965) Nobel Peace Prize Winning Medical Missionary

Change you brain in 21 days

Every evening, for the next 21 days:

• Write down 3 things you were grateful for. This starts to retrain your brain to begin to look for those things that leave you feeling good.

Every morning for the next 21 days, rotate each day between these following 3 things:

1) Write a journal entry recalling something good that happened the day before.
• This allows you to relive and remember that your life is filled with good experiences.
2) Meditate – Sit cross-legged with your back against the wall for 15 minutes and only focus on your breath going in and out your nose. Notice as your mind gets caught on a thought and then bring your mind back to your breath.
• This allows to teach your body that behavior matters and helps train your mind to focus on one thing rather than your mind bouncing around.
3) Perform a random/ conscious act of kindness – Send a friend in your social circle a thank you note. Buy someone you don’t know a coffee. Invite a friend out to lunch.
• This will remind you that you are not alone in this world, but that you are loved and you are a relevant member of society. By giving you will open yourself up to receive and you will gain much greater insights into your life and your happiness

ELEVATE

One step backwards at a time

January 25, 2012 The Extropist Leave a comment

We as humans are forever growing. We are constantly looking at who we are, ever trying to better create ourselves. To have control of our finances, of our emotions, of our relationships… of life!!! We reach crises points in our lives and then try to break out of the mold we have created by reinventing ourselves. We buy the latest do it yourself book, get the latest fashions, the latest gizmo, try the latest fad or just join the gym. We immediately feel proud of ourselves, optimistic about the future and capable of being agents of change and growth in our lives.

So often though, when we make changes we feel great at first but then that feeling of elation slowly dissipates. To make a true and permanent change in your life requires more than a one-day commitment. The wisdom that you gain about yourself is not something that you just learn in one moment and then it stays forever. We have a lifetime of thought and living patterns that are deeply embedded in our subconscious as life programs. So that whenever we are required to act more often than not we are reacting to something that has happened. It is when we react that we immediately move into our old behaviour programs.

We see this behaviour most often when we are avoiding an emotion that doesn’t make us feel good. We therefore employ a program that has, in the past, helped us alleviate the problem before. But this only works for the short-term. Sure enough, in a day, a month, a year, the problems always inevitably creep back. Often we know what we need to do for long-term change, which is the reason why we started the new program in the first place. However, this long-term option is often thwarted because we react to a bump or distraction and move more easily back to the known short-term program that only acts as a momentary band-aid. We can see this as examples when we aren’t feeling good about ourselves instead of exercising, we will eat some ice cream in front of the TV. Or we follow a dream but because it doesn’t manifest immediately we simply give up early on in the journey.

We must be more aware of who we are and what we want. Whatever you choose to bring into your life, you must choose it as a daily practice, as a new way of life. Something you felt motivated you to the point where you were actually driven to enact this idea for the betterment of your self and your life. So now that you were given a revelation about how to change old patterns, you must act on it as a commitment to yourself and the practice itself.

To better understand this we can think of it the same way as when you first get into a hot bath. At first the temperature is hot, but then you acclimatize to the new heat. This is fine at first, you can handle the slight drop but then slowly the heat will dissipate and ultimately you drop down to the old temperature. This is the same as taking on a new program in that you start off cooking but slowly you get cold on the idea. You feel uncomfortable and uninspired having gone back to the old world. It is up to you to lift yourself, keep providing action and re-stoke the fires every day, every moment in order to keep yourself cooking in this new space. Keep yourself elevated and inspired by the actions.

To do this you need to choose reachable goals. Don’t pick something that you just know is impossible. 100 push ups a day. Write an entire business and marketing plan in a day. If your goals are unreachable you will become overwhelmed by the enormity of the task and immediately deflate. If you feel overwhelmed by the size of a task – cut in half. If that begins to feel like too much then… cut that in half. Keep moving forward. Keep providing energy to the engine of your idea so that it continues to chug along. Sooner or later you will build some momentum and then you will be cooking with gas.

To help you with your goals get clear on your values. What type of person do you want to be? How do you want to see yourself? If you want to know yourself as someone who has control of their lives and dreams then keep this at the forethought of your mind when you start to want to just go and sit on the couch. When you want to give up. Sometimes it helps to have a friend to stoke the fires, get a buddy or a mentor someone who you want to work with and commit to bringing about change in your life. Obligations and commitments you make to your friends and community is one of the biggest motivators. That’s why we have gym buddies. Soldiers have been recorded as saying they no longer are risking their lives for their country or ideals but for the person next to them. Use whatever and whoever you can to help bring about change and deeply root these new behaviour patterns.

Something to remember about learning new ways to be in life is that eventually you will make new programs, and these behaviors, that were so hard at first, will become second nature to you and you wont have to try anymore. This then allows you to create more space to learn even more powerful behaviors about your life and how to master it even more.

Exercise 1

GOALS

– Get clear on your goal and write it down
– Work backwards step by step from the end to where you are now.
– Map out what you need to do to reach the goal
– If a step is too big – cut it in half

Exercise 2
VALUES
– Imagine you are at your funeral. Write down a short paragraph about how you would want to be remembered and How you want to think about yourself?
– Take these positive characteristics about yourself and when you feel your motivation waning. Take a breath and remember how you want to be remembered and what you will need to do at the moment to make that happen

AND REMEMBER FROM THE GREAT WORDS OF THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD —

“I THINK”….”I CAN!!!!!”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yx9xO98kcBU&feature=related]

EXPLORE

The Ego trips

December 9, 2011 The Extropist 1 Comment

How interesting the reaction one person can make upon their feelings being hurt. They lash out in some futile manner trying not to heal but instead to harm. They want to take what was taken from them. What is it about an eye for an eye that is so consuming? The ego or personality is a place of immense power and control in our lives. It is thought to exist as personality and contains all the programs necessary to exist in the world. The same way that the muscles around our spine have learnt to compensate for injury in order to keep us standing tall so too does our ego implement behavioral programs in order to protect us. Often though we protect ourselves at the detriment of ourselves because are we really trying to protect ourselves or our ego. Because if our ego fails our world feels like it will all come tumbling down.

Our ego deliciously forms early in life. Some say from before the time of birth, but I like think to about it from the perspective of the rule of 7. The rule of 7 states that approximately every 7 years we move into a new stage of being. The first (0-7) is about learning the social norms and about how we exist in the world. The second (7-14) is our learning of control in the world. This means we understand ourselves relative to another and the power we exert of others. We start to learn about relationships with things and people. The next seven (14-21) further identifies our purpose and inclinations in this world for who we want to be. We can can begin to look at the development of the ego in each of these stages. Our parents and guardians in the first 7 years help guide how we handle mistakes and understand who we are. The ways that we need to act in this world. As we progress we learn from our now friends and family how we are to relate to people and what we get from them. By gaining these wisdoms we define who we are. We ultimately learn to understand ourselves through the actions that we have attained to operate in the world. And when these lines of controlling the world are violated we lash out in order to invalidate the people who are highlighting the way that we know how to live is faulty.

This is the reason why people who subscribe to religion are so vehemently opposed to criticism, because religion explains the meaning of life. The way to operate in life. It explains the finer purpose and gives a definable construct about life and existence in a way that enables a person to feel like they have control. Science does exactly the same thing. It gives us a verifiable way in which to understand life so that we may feel that there are rules that we can follow to survive. That there are lines and objects that we can give definitions to so that we can know what things are and feel safe about them. When we lose that control we lash out. When we feel unsafe we feel alone and vulnerable. That we don’t have a connection to anything or anyone. We want to take the power back in order to provide that stability again to our understanding of life. It is the behavioral programs that provide the feeling of stability and control. But ultimately when we implement the programs we are left feeling more hurt. More empty. a greater level of dissatisfaction. We have maintained the status quo. Our ego is still intact, but at what cost? How do we handle our life in a win-win manner? So what to do?

Well there might be a way. What if the norm wasn’t “an eye for an eye” but instead “human to err, divine to forgive”. We must surely heal and move through the hurt so much smoother if we were to easily be able to forgive. But our ego steps in and asks for it to be recognized. Acknowledge me. See me. Hear me. Tell me that I matter. Tell me that I am real. Well there is another place that we can hear all that and it doesn’t rely on any connection to a person or group it relies on your connection to you and you’re giving to something bigger than yourself. You exist whether someone sees you or not. Whether someone shows you affection or not. It is from that space of connecting to something bigger that we can hold conviction. That we can hold integrity. It relies on trust and faith. In ourselves. In our dreams. I trust in the future and I hope you do too? Thank you.

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How to Make a Mistake

December 1, 2011 The Extropist Leave a comment

Often we feel overwhelmed by a situation. We have done everything right but still our plans go awry. We look around us and blame it on the world. This person screwed me; the conditions were not right; etc. And saying this is fine. Sometimes it might be smarter to drop something and forget about it. But sometimes it may be worth stopping for a moment and looking at the situation, and asking yourself whether you can take responsibility for what happened?

Taking responsibility reveals the lesson

It is only when we take responsibility for something do we provide ourselves the opportunity to change the outcome. If you refuse to look at the outcome and say it was someone else’s fault you will never be able to properly see what went wrong and understand how to solve the problem and learn the lesson. It has been said that “What we resist persists, and what we look at goes away”. So maybe you can see that as you open yourself to something rather resisting it, the problem might fall away when you realize that maybe it wasn’t a problem. Maybe what happened was exactly what needed to occur in order for you to move forward and grow into the person that you dreamed of becoming. We live in a society where we have been taught that to make a mistake is “bad”. We spend our whole lives trying to be right but here is something we all need to learn, being right all the time is actually “bad” and learning how to make a mistake in a constructive way is actually so right you wouldn’t believe.

Mistakes you want to make

It has been shown that taking yourself to the limit where you make mistakes is the greatest way to learn, if you deal with the lesson appropriately. Instead of reacting, slow down. Don’t take the mistake as a failure, as a personal attack on your sense of self-worth, but realize that this is one step closer to reaching your goal. This mistake is not an error but instead an opportunity to learn. The more our minds and bodies create impulses that experience and overcome difficulties, the better we will be able to handle these problems in the future. The better we handle problems, the faster we can deal with them to the point where they are no longer problems but a momentary challenge, just like the way a baby learnt to walk. At first even crawling was a serious problem but eventually the baby learnt how to crawl, and then how to steps. Walking suddenly became only a challenge and ultimately it was so automatic that not only did the baby not have to even think about walking, but as the child grew up it could do things like running and surfing as easily as breathing. Without these mistakes the baby would have never made it past the first step.

Outside of now

So ask yourself could this problem be a part of your lesson in order to reach your goals. Try looking at the situation from a higher perspective, one that is outside of only the present moment. Instead think about what this experience means to you in a year’s time or five years time. Now look back and look at how relevant this problem in the scheme of your life that has been. By looking at the problem at hand as a lesson to learn rather than a mistake, you create your space as the actor not the reactor of your life.

Acting or reacting

When you react, you are reacting from an emotional space. There is a difference between feelings and emotions. You actively generate your feelings. Feelings guide your actions powerfully and are the best space to make decisions from as they come from a place of control and clarity. Feelings can take form when you practice gratitude. Give thanks for what you have and where you are in your life and give thanks for your dream and what you are trying to create. Even try and appreciate yourself. Name five things you are thankful for about yourself. (Learn more about gratitude in “Gratitude gets you Zen Continue reading How to Make a Mistake →

ELEVATE

Success lies beyond what you can see

November 10, 2011 The Extropist Leave a comment

If you want to truly attract money. Dont focus on the how. Trying to attract money is a ‘HOW’. Instead focus on your joy. Focussing on the money is telling the universe how you want to reach your passion. We look for money because that brings us control. Control over our lives, over problems, over the external world. But control is not happiness and neither is money. Even with the control from money, you will still attract problems into your life.

People often say when things are looking up, “something outside of my control comes in and knocks it all down again”. That ‘outside of your control’ is actually the very thing that is in your control. You are inviting that into your life because that is your belief structure: Every time you set something up it will be taken from you. Because that is your chaos, to see for yourself whether you believe in yourself and your dreams. Because that is your lesson, to believe in your dream beyond what you can see.

Try finding humility in the good in your life and don’t resist or resent the changes that inevitably come. You will find your peace, you will find your stability and you will find your growth. I always find it interesting that there for some people when things go wrong suddenly there’s always a silver lining and for other people when things go right there’s always a storm cloud around the corner. I don’t believe these people are cursed but instead they curse themselves. Follow your joy, trust the universe and have the faith to keep striving when storm clouds gather.

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” Albert Schweitzer (1875 – 1965) Nobel Peace Prize Laureate

When you follow your passion, when you follow your joy, you will find that life is effortless and you will not need to try to protect yourself as much because you can trust that life and the universe is actually a friendly place. So please know this, the universe does not need to be told “How”. It can see much further in the future than you. So let go of your need for control and money, instead focus on your passion and have faith in yourself and trust that the Universe will know how to get you there.

ELEVATE

Creating the next step

July 28, 2011 The Extropist Leave a comment

Many times in our life we are at a cross-roads of what to do. So we pick a direction on what feels right, and “good”, and we take a step for the best. However there are times when we have absolutely no idea of where to go and what to do. So often we are given the question, “what do I want?”. What do I want? What do you want? and so often we are left with no answer. We know there is somewhere to go that isn’t where we are but where is that?

Well here are some things to help. First of all get grateful for where you are currently. You can’t change your emotional frequency to a higher place (and move to a better place in your life) if you are not on a solid ground of appreciation. Appreciation is key to opening yourself to the possibilities of your dream life. Why you might ask? The trick is that you are readying your mind to be aware and take notice of the positive potential in your life, rather than the negative things that surround. Its like when you are buying a car, suddenly the car that you are thinking about buying – you are seeing on the road all around, all the time. The same works for your emotional state. If you are happy, you have prepped your mind to firstly be aware of those positive situations that exist around you. The easiest way to get positive is to get grateful.

Find what serves you in your current situation, what you are grateful for. If you are having trouble seeing the good in your life because of your surroundings, try to reframe the perspective of those around you. You need to get a better view of where people are coming from in order to find what you can appreciate about them. Who are they? What is their situations? Where are they coming from? It may help get clear on the true beauty inside them?

Next put the question out to the infinity of the Universe of what you want. Just ask “What do I want?”. The answer is sure to come if you stay aware and listen inside yourself. notice what things people say around you and you will feel things that resonate positively. Next you take action to get you there. Please note it is not important how you get there but the answers that come to your mind may provide ideas for your next step. The conscious mind is an extremely limited processor, only really able to process things one at a time. The mind only ever properly allows us to see the next step. It is our heart that sees all the way to our dreams. So keep your mind on the next step and your heart well out in front. Now imagine yourself in the role of your dreams. What things would you be doing if you had your dream? How would you be feeling emotionally if you had your dream? Create a space in your life as if your dream existed. The Universe naturally wants to fill that space. The great quantum physicist, Niels Bohr stated, “Nature abhors a vacuum”. You create a space as if something exists and the natural workings of the universe have to fill that space. That’s all the action you have to take. Some call it coincidence, others synchronicity or serendipity. Whatever it is, it works!

Trust in the Universe and trust in yourself. Find patience and love for where you are and where you are going and don’t try to tell the universe how to get you to your dream but instead notice the signs and movements of the world around you and let yourself flow with what it presents. Good luck and enjoy the journey.

As Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi says, “At first the ends justifies the means , but in the end the means justify the end.” Which means you may think that the job is what will make you happy but in the end you will realize it was all you did to get there that was most rewarding 🙂

ELEVATE

Be a Circle and Be Yourself

February 27, 2011 The Extropist Leave a comment

What is it about the modern-day metropolis and its subsequent elements that have left the average person so disenchanted with their life. One element that is noteworthy in creating disharmony in our lives is the concept of how integrated we are as people. The modern person exhibits a form of schizophrenia in which they have split their lives into different people for different situations. We have one personality for our work, another personality for our friends, for our partners, for our family, for our leisure time and ultimately we are left in the dark from ourselves, not knowing who we really are.

Not only do we not properly know ourselves but we end up fighting with ourselves about which of these people is going to get the most of our time. The currency for our personality is time and we shell it out often so haphazardly that we don’t really end up investing properly in any of ourselves. Imagine yourself as if you are a point in the center of a page sending out lines of energy to each of the different personalities you are fostering. Each time you give to one personality however it means you are taking energy away from another person. We end up wrestling with ourselves trying to give out to all these elements and ultimately we don’t really give anything authentically or optimally.

“Living optimally” is an interesting idea. What does it mean to live optimally and what does optimally mean to our lives? To live optimally means that we are giving the most to our lives that we can in the shortest and easiest way that we know. We are using all of our resources effectively and efficiently without the waste. In entering the green age of sustainable resource management, we understand that we need to think how to ever increase the sustainability of what we do by increasing the longevity we get out of anything we use and do. We too need to think about how we can use our mental resources as effectively as we can. Many people don’t realize but we actually have a type of mental fuel which we can use up the same as a tank of fuel in our car. In a car we can waste a tank of fuel by riding around not really planning our route to the shop or we can work out the best way to get to our destination and then take the most direct route there. This is the same for our minds. We need to work out the best way of performing our task in order to use our mental fuel most effectively.

One way of living optimally and using our resources effectively is integrating our personalities. We can organize our lives so that we aren’t fighting for resources but instead we can have it so that all our activities are giving to the things which make us most happy. Instead of compartmentalizing your life into many small things, simplify your list of who you are to the things that you most care about in ways that allows you to be able to give more to your life. Which things bring you the most joy?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP4abiHdQpc]

Try this as a practice:
1) Write out all the ways that you are creating yourself, all the things you are giving your time to.
2) Cut out all the things you don’t like doing. You may actually find that there are things you aren’t even doing that you now have room for doing by removing things that no longer serve you.
3) Look at the list and see if there are things that you can fit together like friends and work. Here you could create a work environment in which your dealings with your colleagues leave you as satisfied as if you had been hanging out with good friends. In the video, the man is ripping up bills and a rejection letter at the same time as bonding with his child.
4) Finally pick your top 3-4 things on the list. You can know these by thinking which ones would you want to be doing for the rest of your life. It doesn’t mean that you will have to but it is just an idea to help you get moving.

Now that you have simplified your list, give authentically to these for the next month. If a month is overwhelming try 2 weeks and if that seems like too much, start with a week. Only work within the limits that you feel comfortable working within. Change is hard enough and you want to make it as comfortable as possible. By setting a goal that you think is possible to reach, you create a momentum of change that makes it possible. To give an example, when I have exam I would set a goal to clean the kitchen first before exam study. Something I know I could do. This then gave me the momentum of being productive and gave me the satisfaction of completing a task which gave me the momentum to complete another task, like study. You use way less fuel moving a rolling car than you do moving one from standstill.

Create your life as a community of your personalities. Make sure that all your personalities are giving to you and not taking away from yourself. By doing the things that make you happy, everything you do is giving back to you. Every personality is contributing to the whole. It is as a happy whole that you will be most effective in your actions and you will have more energy than you ever knew. Because every act gives back to you, you will only be getting more energy rather than sending out into the world like a space heater you will create a fully integrated system that will feed back into the system and create optimal living. We are a circle, not a dot. All the personalities should be giving back to the center rather than the center having to give out to every point of the circle. This is an inefficient way of living and ultimately unsustainable which leaves us burnt out. Burn out leaves us without enough resources physiologically thus breeding disease, and emotionally leading to personality and relationship distress. Ultimately we can become a full, unified and harmonious person in which all points of ourselves are connected and each giving to the other. You will truly be a unified person. You will truly be YOU.

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