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Calculating the Love Connection

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Isn’t it wonderful that there is someone in life to think sweet thoughts about, whether or not you are in a relationship with them. I was at my best-friend’s wedding, and in his speech I gained an amazing insight into what the feeling of love really is. He helped me understand that this person you are focussed on is a person that inspires you to want to be the best person that you see yourself becoming. It is that feeling of inspiration, of wanting to be the best that you can be for this person and the world that we call “In-Love”. But it is equally important for you to realize that it is not the person themselves, it is the connection between the two of you. You are the person that feels the love “IN” you. Love is not given to you, it is conjured within, and is up to you to accept and acknowledge that experience of it within. You recognize love from your connection with another person. This is because whatever you put out you always get back.

The Love Equation
Newton’s third law of motion and force states “Every action always has an opposite and equal reaction”. Love is an e-motion or a force that motivates us. This means that the only way you can experience love is by giving love. It is reflected back to you. Therefore the more love you give, the more it will reflect back.

The Love Mirror
The amount reflected back to you depends on the reflective surface onto which you are shining. The person that you are sending your love to needs to be able to accept the love within themselves in order to be able to reflect it back. You will only be able to receive the amount of love reflected back to you as the person is able to absorb. It is the same as saying “you can only love another as much as you love yourself”. For example, let us say that you are providing a stadium light worth of love but the person only has a mirror the size of you palm. You wont actually receive that much back. Furthermore their mirror might actually be directed at someone else so that even more will be lost. Therefore it is important to make sure you are always giving to yourself as much as you are giving to your partner.

Give without Expectation
Here is one trick to ensuring you will get love back though. Give without expectation. If you give love without expectation of receiving back, you will always walk away with a smile in your heart because you have not limited yourself to the single connection but given for the sake of the whole universe, of something much bigger than the both of you. When you give for something bigger than yourself you will always and truly receive that which is equal to that which you have given” You can use this love equation for anything, for a connection with a person, for a connection with a thing, for a connection with an action, for a connection with a thought, for a connection with anything and everything. Lets say you love playing guitar. By giving to the action of playing you are getting a much richer love for yourself and the music than if you merely listened to it on the radio. You will find new understandings about where the music can go and where it can take you. This is all because of the millions of different variables that exist between the player and the music: The tone, the pitch, the timbre, the rhythm, your emotion, your content. So many different ways that these variables can come together that you will be able to create such a rich and fulfilling experience. Now think about this connection and all the variables that exist between two people and you can times the richness of connection by infinity. Which is why I might add it is so difficult to define “Love”, because there are literally infinite ways for it to be experienced and it is the same for wisdom.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3gMgK7h-BA&w=420&h=315]

The Love Connection
When we think of romantic love between partners, we can see how the love connection is developed from your experiences and interactions, your support and intimacy, your absorption and your teachings, from anything and everything that bounces between you two between each of you individually and the outside world and between both of you together and the outside world around you. All these things add up and build the love connection. I like to think of it like an internet connection. The more experiences you share, the more intimately you get to learn about yourself, your partner, what they want and what you want. And as we know more information you have access to, the more bandwidth you have built into that connection. The greater the connection the richer the experience and the more mature the love that you will feel.

Equating your Love Connection
Upon deciding on our partner, we take into considerations the things that have worked for us in the past that we have built and we ask for those things to be equally present. We also acknowledge those things that haven’t worked for us and it is when we have shone the light on these things that we can then better help understand what we need to build a connection this next time to better serve us in creating a richer love connection. Sometimes we aren’t always aware of what does and doesn’t serve us and other times we believe we want things built from a reactive state. The only place you create your life from is your present not your past. Therefore build your love connection from this moment. (For more on this see Shifting paths – Shifting lives). When you have found this someone that your unconscious has calculated as matching the requirements that you need to satisfy the building of the love connection you are looking for, you will begin to feel stirrings of wanting to connect with this person. This feeling is so exhilarating and profound that we naturally feel it is the person that is causing such feelings. Please remember, that they are merely the conduit, the mediator the mirror. Treat it kindly and shine the light of love on it and you will feel the experience of love. Build the connection by learning about each other and you will have ever-richer experiences of love.

The Love Connector
The best way to create and connect to an experience of finding the person that can satisfy the personality variables you are looking for is through a love poem. Write a love poem about the perfect partner. Imagine this perfect partner is on their way over to your house and you want to give it to them as a sign of love and gratitude. Do not have any one person in mind but simply write about how grateful you are for them. Write about the way they make you feel. Write about what things you adore about them. Write about the things you do, say and share with each other. Write about how you communicate and how you support each other. Write it so that you feel it as the Truth within you. When you have finished writing you will be one step closer to your partner. Whether it is a person you have your heart set on or another unknown in the Universe that you know you will attract, because you will be clear in what you want. Your subconscious will have revealed to you what is meaningful and what makes up your current love connection. When you are clear on what you want, you won’t fall into pitfalls of connecting with people that don’t make up the values you are looking for and so you will save yourself time and heartache. When you finally connect with your partner it doesn’t hurt to rewrite the poem of what new love connections you are building at the moment so that you are clear within yourself as to how you want it to grow. The fun part here is that you actually get to give it to the person that you love!

So remember your love exists within you. You build a love connection between you but the love always exists within. The trick is to build a big enough connection that the sharing is quick, easy and inspiring. Give and be open to receive. This goes for anything you do. Walk into any situation by giving without expectation to receive and you will always walk out with a mile on your face. Live from a force of love and you can create anything. Just write exactly what you want and why as if it’s on its way to your door and you will open up to your dream life.

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Success lies beyond what you can see

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If you want to truly attract money. Dont focus on the how. Trying to attract money is a ‘HOW’. Instead focus on your joy. Focussing on the money is telling the universe how you want to reach your passion. We look for money because that brings us control. Control over our lives, over problems, over the external world. But control is not happiness and neither is money. Even with the control from money, you will still attract problems into your life.

People often say when things are looking up, “something outside of my control comes in and knocks it all down again”. That ‘outside of your control’ is actually the very thing that is in your control. You are inviting that into your life because that is your belief structure: Every time you set something up it will be taken from you. Because that is your chaos, to see for yourself whether you believe in yourself and your dreams. Because that is your lesson, to believe in your dream beyond what you can see.

Try finding humility in the good in your life and don’t resist or resent the changes that inevitably come. You will find your peace, you will find your stability and you will find your growth. I always find it interesting that there for some people when things go wrong suddenly there’s always a silver lining and for other people when things go right there’s always a storm cloud around the corner. I don’t believe these people are cursed but instead they curse themselves. Follow your joy, trust the universe and have the faith to keep striving when storm clouds gather.

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” Albert Schweitzer (1875 – 1965) Nobel Peace Prize Laureate

When you follow your passion, when you follow your joy, you will find that life is effortless and you will not need to try to protect yourself as much because you can trust that life and the universe is actually a friendly place. So please know this, the universe does not need to be told “How”. It can see much further in the future than you. So let go of your need for control and money, instead focus on your passion and have faith in yourself and trust that the Universe will know how to get you there.

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Find control by letting go

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Your life is falling apart around you. Your partner has left you for another person. You’ve been made redundant at your job. Someone close to you dies. Your house got broken into. These are tragic life circumstances. But guess what…? You can still be happy amidst the life chaos because you can “trust in the process”. You can trust in the universe. You can understand that even when everything is falling down around you, you know that this is one moment in a billion moments of life and that it is there to teach us a lesson.

We live in a friendly Universe. Life is a place that grants us so much. Without the bad we would never know the good. Life would be a plateau, like an eternal warm pool that never gave us the feelings of exhilaration and excitement but instead consistency. We all strive for consistency, in one way or another, through the form of control but once we accept that we don’t have control the way we think we do, we actually gain control. This new way of understanding control is that we attract into our lives the perfect thing we need so that we can move forward. So that we can grow. So that we can find our next step.

So often we lose one job, which gives us the courage to follow our dreams and do what we really want to do. Our partner leaves us, only to find the next partner shows us a new way fo feeling love. A loved one dies and reenters into the fabric of the Universe, teaching us about the miracle of life and the true eternal magic that we as people bring into this world. We often resist the change that we have brought into our lives and instead blame those events and people that surround us. In psychology it’s called the actor observer bias. Stop blaming that which is around you. Accept and embrace that which you brought it into your life and move forward and through it. When you finally, breathe a courageous breath and take that step forward you will find a bigger and brighter world in front of you. Remember… There is always a light at the end of the tunnel!

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Shifting paths – Shifting lives

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With any relationship, we walk beside that person on our own path. Often these paths will ride along each other adjacently, but over time these paths will eventually change and diverge as the people creating these paths change. We see them over yonder in the distance but it can be so tiresome yelling the whole time so that they can hear and often so much gets lost in translation by something as simple as the wind catching our words and carrying them away. We can often be resistant to change as the familiarity is so easy and safe. We become used to this concept of who we are in relation to that person and wrap ourselves in that fabric of “this person’s partner” or “that person’s friend” so that we can then present ourselves to the world in such a way that we feel good about.

It is important to note though that as the paths get off track we have a choice: we can either acknowledge that the path has changed and we will feel to work to build new paths that will bring us back together or we can acknowledge that we don’t feel to put the added energy into building the path to be walking side by side again. The point is that either way is fine and that as long as we can see the person for the amazing person that they are on their path, and that it doesn’t necessarily reflect the direction of your path, you will not hinder yourself from creating a pathway to a life filled with friends that may be going the same direction as you now. By resisting that person you will find that you wont move forward to creating a life of new friends as you are spending your time focusing on that relationship that didn’t work. It is in this that you will then naturally create a cycle, a pattern of relationships, which you have unconsciously created in your life so that you can finally be fine to let them go or resolve. The point is that you can only create anew from the present not the past. The past begets the past the past, the present begets the future. We don’t need to regret the past but embrace it for it both helped us be the people that we are today and at the same time it know longer exists. So why not cherish the experiences that you shared for all that they gave you and you grew through.

I have included this video of Christian the Lion as i feel that while the characters of this amazing story had to go there different paths they truly retained their love for each other from all that they gained from each other.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btuxO-C2IzE&feature=related]

The final point I would like to make is that we assume that our friendships are old because we have known someone for a long time. We assume that we know that person. But every time we come back to that person we are creating a friendship completely anew because we are completely different people. When we try to maintain a relationship on the falsities of the past rather than the reality of the present we will ultimately lose our way with these partners because we take them for granted and miss out on seeing who they are now as they can do with us. So look into your friends eyes and see who they really are today and acknowledge and appreciate them for that. You will see who that person is today and if you look deep enough you will see from this present moment, who they will be tomorrow.

Hope this helps 🙂

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The Space Between Space: The Wisdom of Silence

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This inspired film by Jeff Scher is an example of silence. It’s funny how even in silence we find noise, but many a time the only way we can find silence is to have noise. So why silence? And why noise? Lets start with silence. But first please click on the image and explore this short and powerful piece.

Silence is the space in between all our thoughts. Like the space between the rain drops and the sound between the notes of a piano. Silence is where our wisdom and intuition reside. This wisdom is the collective power of our whole body system, and thus is the accumulated efforts of our subconscious. The subconscious is infinitely more powerful than the conscious mind, because it is not restricted to form but instead understands the universe in a logical, but non-linear fashion. It doesn’t require lines, labels and definitions of the forms that it is working with. Anything and everything exists in all time and space and so it is in silence that our complete biological system realizes its full potential of the computing power of its entire energy structure which enables it to fully understand this world.

We recognize this world through our feelings and subtle images, not through the incessant self-talk that churns through our thought space, distracting us from a greater thought. This incessant talk is noise. But it is a chaotic noise; it is a reaction to our experiences. A noise without structure it bubbles up haphazardly from the stories we have of ourselves from our multiple identities of who we believe ourselves to be. These stories constantly reaffirm our reality, ensuring that we keep to the illusion of who we are. We have these identities so we can feel safe, so we can be in control, so we can know what is and what isn’t. But this noise does not serve us. We need noise to give shape to the world and help us know what is from what isn’t through the use of words and thoughts but often this is merely a distraction and for the most part a farce. Noise forms us but doesn’t necessarily serve us. However noise has another role if we condition it through our breathing, through a mantra, a repetitive motion or any other meditative form you desire. By using this structured noise we can quiet the chaos and create a space in which we can connect to the silence. We remove the typical overbearing chatter that drowns out the subtler feelings that contains so much wisdom.

Silence exists in the present moment. Whenever you are thinking of the past or the future you are in a space of thought. Thoughts of who you were and who you should and could be. In the present moment you can create a white place; a clean slate. It is from this place free of the untangled world of the past and the future that there are no preconceptions, existing forms and ideas that you have to adhere to in order to create. Instead your canvas is free to create afresh and anew any world that your deepest self dreams to be true.

This space, induced by structured noise, is often associated with slower frequencies in our brain. When considering sleep, the slower our frequencies get the deeper we are into sleep and the less our conscious faculties are in play. Early on in sleep we often reach a stage in which our waves slow to what is called Alpha frequency. This stage is a powerful stage as it has been to show that we can operate powerfully without the use of our conscious mind getting in the way. We often use our conscious mind to understand things, which are great for when we are first learning something so we can build the necessary neural connections, but then we continue to rely on this conscious mind rather than trust the wisdom that exists beneath this conscious process. A much more powerful processor. There is research which shows how mind when wandering or day dreaming we often reach our greatest moments of inspiration, so too in that period just before we wake, where we look at the world in the borderland of our sleep and waking worlds. It is in this space that we are in the Alpha wave state and it is in this period where we have shut down enough of our conscious faculties to open ourselves to the power of silence.

Find a moment to yourself when you are ready to discover yourself or something in your life. Take a breath and then take another and listen and feel what happens in your breath and between the breath. Listen to the rain and see the rhythm of it in motion or stop for a moment and play this piece and find the peace you need to move to a powerful place. So don’t think you need to think your way through life all the time, but instead take a moment and access the space of silence. And remember, “Silence is Golden”.

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Meeting the Walrus is a ‘Profound Whatever’!

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This video is so astounding for me. Not just for the visual element but for the wisdom that John was espousing all the way back in 1969 and the insight from the 14-year-old Jerry Levitan. Two points in particular I would like to talk about.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmR0V6s3NKk]

The Power in Being the Change

The first point begins with the current context of the US involvement in the Afghanistan and Iraq military campaigns. As Lennon so rightly acknowledges the large groups that have a major influence over the government don’t want peace. America’s Military Budget is consistently as much or more than the rest of the world (Ref 1 & 2).  War is good for the institution of the USA. Smash it down, build it up again and hang onto it to become the establishment. To hear this realization from a time long past is inspiring and sad. Sad, for the fact that this knowledge has been in the public mind for many years and still we have not been able to eradicate such useless violence bred from greed and corruption. It is inspirational, however, because we are reminded that there were great people back then willing to stand up and talk about ways to eradicate violence through non-violent means.

It is the power in protesting non-violently that enables a change in the current regime. The governments are all well versed in using forceful resistance but they don’t have a weapon to use against non-violent action. It has worked time and time again, with Gandhi to Martin Luther King Jr. and onwards. But it is not just about non-violence it is the same for anything you want to create in the world. It is about giving what you get. It is about being the change you want to see in the world. Which part of yourself will you feed. That which resists the world or that world which that you can flow with. It is by resisting something that we make it more real. Giving is the best way to receive. So if you want to see the change in the world, be that change, encapsulate it and without expecting it from others but doing for the love of what you believe you will inspire people through your leadership.

We need to be the change we wish to see in the world.

– Mahatma Gandhi (1869 –1948) Indian Political Leader and Social Activist

Don’t sit there and just blame people who are doing the “wrong”, but instead, act in a way that promotes a greater harmony.  It is not their fault that an evil has been begotten because they knew not. The same way a child breaks something, even with malicious intent, it is not their fault. It is simply an unconsciousness that we must work to educate in how to behave in a more conscious manner. Our governments are not to blame, we put them there, and if there is something that acts in discord with the evolution and sustainment of the world then there is an opportunity to educate but being that education.

The only thing necessary for the triumph [of evil] is for good men to do nothing.

– Edmund Burke (1729 –1797) Irish Philosopher

The world is in a natural entropic cycle. It is part of the laws of thermodynamics, in which there is a constant move to a state of chaos however we can choose to be the carp that swim upstream. It takes more effort but we have the ability to insert some energy into the system and from that point we can move into the opposite direction of a chaos state and instead towards a more organized, evolved and harmonious state. One stroke at a time. And that’s the point, no great person went out with the intention to be great instead they try to do the small things as great as they can.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

– Lao Tzu quotes (6th Century BCE) Founder of Taoism


The Power of Tuning in to Broadcast out

The other “profound whatever” that John talks about are that messages are there on all levels. Many profound philosophers, over the millennia, have realized that the same Truths or Laws of the Universe exist on many different levels, simply operating at different scales. But these Laws are one in the same they just are aimed at affecting the relevant elements at the scale of force of which they are operating, whether it is a person, a planet or an abstract concept like Love. These Truths are all the same.  It just takes time to open your heart to the greater scope of life to further awaken your consciousness and realize how connected it all is. I will talk about this further next week.

It’s the same in a flower it’s just there, and if you look long enough all answers are in it, same with the music.

– John Lennon (1940-1980) Songwriter and Political activist


Tuning in Exercise

An exercise I recommend is that in each interaction you have with a person or event, ensure that you are Giving. Feel in your Heart earnestly that in every action you are giving to the occasion and not just taking. Taking can include only partially giving yourself to an action. In fully giving you are fully present to your actions, because you are fully giving of yourself and hence your attention. From this you will open yourself to receiving greater understanding about your actions and the dynamics of your interactions. In an interaction that you are fully tuned into you will be able to get the most out of. It’s like listening to a song on the radio. You have to be properly tuned into the right frequency to be able to get the most out of the song. And that frequency is the frequency of Giving.

“This is the sum of all true righteousness: deal with others as thou wouldst thyself be dealt by. Do nothing to thy neighbor which thou wouldst not have him do to thee hereafter.”

– The Mahabharata, c. 150 BCE

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Gratitude gets you Zen

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When I was taking some time from my past relationship, I noticed I would feel bad when I tried to not think about her. I felt that this was not an effective method to help me deal with the changing shape of our relationship, for as we know what you resist persists. So I sat there and tried something different. I sent her gratitude for the amazing person that she is, for all the good times that we had and the lessons that she taught me. I immediately felt better and I wasn’t sure why until this moment and this is the lesson that I learnt about part of what gratitude’s power is.

Gratitude keeps us in the present.

Being present is the most important thing. The power in the Now.  In the present moment, the problems and patterns of the past have no avenue to creep in, and they have no way of imposing themselves on the future. When we are in gratitude it is impossible to be in any other moment but the present. Gratitude is an active state of being. It must be consciously acknowledged for it to be gratitude. If we don’t do it consciously it is being “taken for granted”.

We can feel joy unconsciously, like when we are eating something and it makes us feel good. However we can go through the meal without truly appreciating it, without truly being conscious and aware of the meal. That is why we suddenly finish and think, I can’t even remember eating that meal. That poor meal was taken for granted.  Once we acknowledge something and give it thanks, we are living in the present moment of now, and then we are truly living.

Gratitude is the most powerful mediation.

Gratitude is the quickest and easiest way to reach a truly meditative state. The true meditative state is when you can be completely present in the moment. The best way to be present is through appreciation, because you are not limiting anything. You are being completely accepting. Through this unadulterated acceptance, it opens you up to an even greater experience and expression of life. Gratitude is the in-breath of love. When we breathe in, during meditation, and give thanks as well, we are doubling the focus and meditative power of being present. It is for this reason that we can immediately find ourselves in a place of harmony. Harmony occurs not only in our bodies but also with the world around us. The Institute of HeartMath, a research group in California, has conducted studies on the power of using gratitude with breathing meditation.  Their results have been astounding. Through the use of gratitude, it has been shown that many of our biological systems have harmonized finding a physiological resonance that creates a form of visceral symphony. Our heart, lungs, hormones and even our brain all our working to the driving beat of the gratitude playing in our hearts.

Gratitude transforms fear

Unconscious joy is an opportunity lost but not as much as when we are in fear, which is true unconsciousness. Fear results in a true lack of appreciation and a true lack of consciousness. In fear we have no way of being present, instead we are truly locked in the patterns of the past and future and not “being in the present”. Our fear is similar to a fog that we are lost in. When you think of an experience that you are saying no to, that you are resisting, that you say is wrong, you feel it in your body and get lost in a spiral of thoughts.

Thinking those fear thought spirals, perpetuate cycles and reoccurring themes in your life. This is because you fall into the patterns of the past that you experienced when you were younger and your mind takes you down that road trying to protect you. It is inbuilt to humans to have this inclination towards the negative. It evolved for our protection and is referred to as the ‘negativity bias’. The negativity bias means that it is easier to think about the bad things and process them more quickly than the good things. This is so that if the bad things happen we will know what to do quicker to protect ourselves. That is all good and proper when we were cave men but the problem is that now we live in a World where dinosaurs and monsters don’t exist. But our bodies still think they exist so it is constantly trying and create them.

I’ll use horror films to explain this. Isn’t it interesting how in horror films the monster is so much scarier when we don’t see it, but finally when we the monster is revealed, we think, “Is that all?! That’s so fake!” It’s because our minds are programmed naturally to think the worst of the scene and the more we resist it and say “No” to the monster the scarier it gets. But the second we look at it, it immediately loses most of its scariness. The reality of the monster has taken form and thus collapses the infinite possibilities of scariness into only one possibility. It is because of this reason that we also recreate the patterns of our past, because “better the devil we know”. We know how story is going to end when we continually replay the same story and we know that while the monster is scary because we know what form it takes we are more inclined to deal with that monster than the other millions of monsters that can exist out in the world. But if we take a plunge and step into the darkness and unknown we may find that we slay the dragon and find an ending that better suits us.  So a powerful way of navigating through the unfamiliar territory of this new story is send the scary scene “Thanks”. Find all that you can be grateful for in the scene. Be grateful for all the amazing outcomes that can and will happen as you work through the darkness and you will give yourself a light to guide your way to a scene of something that you can love. You can even invite your fears to come along with you and work at your goals together. By doing this you know longer are denying the existence of your fears, which is the best way to let them go because what we resist persists and what we look at goes away.

Use your attitude of gratitude and you will find your way through any dark spot.